我知道Mother's Day快到了!在學校郵局, 超市, city center的紀念品店前, 尋找著想要的母親節賀卡, 我並沒有猶豫要不要買卡給媽”; 困擾我的是, 不知道要用什麼文字才能書寫我對她的愛與感謝…..從小,媽”總是悶著頭, 滿足我的任何需求,卻沒有要求我必須幫她過節的習慣。
而說起自己對母親節最初印象,大概是小學的課本, 讓我一直以為這是西洋人才過的節日, 即使長大了, 我也沒買過一個像樣的禮物給媽”。大學時, 在新光三越前, 隨手買了一束花準備去參加聯誼, 結果當想送給心儀女生時, 才發現是康乃馨, 糗了吧! 當然是送不出, 不過幸好那天是母親節, 聯誼回家後,我轉送給媽, 這就是我第一次送花給媽”的經驗, 但我想她內心還是很高興 (os: 印象中,律學,你好像有跟那收不到花的女生說: 我這個朋友是比較孝順厚)。來到了英國, 前幾次過節, 跟她提起想買一些東西給她, 但她總說買我自已要用的…..這就是我老媽!
媽”, 在我小時候對我們兄妹似乎蠻嚴格, 尤其是課業, 也許這跟她是國中老師有關, 她總希望子女可以接受更好的教育,擁有更好的未來。2009現在, 妹”已經成功了, 而我還剩最後階段, 但也快了, 我有信心….. 兒時記憶, 相較於弟妹, 媽”給了我相當高的自由度。一直到高中前,自己的功課, 從沒讓她煩腦過, 不過那時的我, 最喜歡的是畫圖, 也許這才是老天賜給我的天份吧? 印象中, 幼年的我, 在全省美展拿下很多大獎, 也因為這樣, 幾乎是學校的風雲人物, 在媽”想法中,在不妨礙學業下, 她全力支持我自由揮灑對繪畫的創意, 可能是因為媽”當時的信任及支持, 種下了我媽寶(媽”的乖寶”)的性格…..
之後原本打算去明倫國中延續畫圖的夢想, 可惜她擔心兒子如果當了畫家會沒錢途, 最後還是選擇就讀一般升學國中。 國中時, 即使成績還是很好, 不過並不快樂, 因為自己總覺得像一隻原本應該在天空翱翔的老鷹, 卻沒了翅膀自由來去那他最愛的天空……從那時, 我就知道這一生即將失去這個最自豪的長處…..國三時, 曾趁著一個有那麼點喜歡的女生午睡時,匆”素描了她的畫象給她, 她收到很高興, 亮著眼睛問我說: 為何沒繼續走繪畫的路, 不語…….不過那個高中聯考前難堪的戀情,從此讓….不想再替任何人女生做畫…..因為不能畫畫, 使我之後每當學業不順時,總會以此對母親頗有微詞, 不過我想這都藉口………..
高中時, 大概是我最叛逆的時期, 現在想”之前自己責怪母親中斷我畫畫的理由,其實是不成立的, 因為建中還是有美術社的, 而在入學第一天, 我就入社,希望重拾畫筆。 不過中斷畫圖這麼久, 讓我想跟上其他學長的程度, 難免顯得有些吃力…即便如此, 我還是一直想在高一下, 能在校刊擺上自己插畫, 努力了,也投稿了, 不過可能因為有更好的作品,我的落選了….., 只因一時失望,退社了….現在想想自己會淪為宅宅, 不用埋怨什麼, 最後把畫圖夢想終結的不是媽”, 而是自己啊!…. 當時的叛逆心理, 也讓我對媽”的任何建議採完全抵制態度, 比較重要的有高一結束時的性向測驗, 建議我該去念社會組啦! 媽”也說了尊重性向發展, 她不反對我去社會組…..
但那時的我, 在乎的卻是學校不成文的門戶之見, 因為在建中年級分班中,社會組只配置了六班, 許多謠言都是成績不好的人才不得不選社會組….結果好勝心讓我在第2類組念得很不快樂, 翹課翹到班導都搖頭, 好笑的是, 時常翹課的我,竟是背著畫板去野外寫生, 現在想想當時的逞強,不也有些諷刺…..即使後來在大學, 最後不也因能力,興趣轉去社會系…繞了一圈, 我的獨斷並沒為自己帶來幸福…..
大學後, 大概因為自己之前一些錯誤決定, 在很多事上,我開始會參考媽”的建議, 雖然不是100%, 漸”開始習慣媽寶的生活, 唯一一件比較大的違反母親意志的事, 就是研究所後自己執意想出國, 媽”聽了,當然是反對, 在她想法, 希望我能留在國內找個安穩工作, 最好是civil serviceman,。我也忘了出國前被她要求一定要參加的哪次高考, 我就是刻意缺考了最後兩堂, 製造沒上的結果! 我想母親應該是很生氣, 不過她並沒有說出來, 現在想想, 自己覺得很抱歉…. 因為出國這幾年, 我的想法開始有了很大的改變, 其實並沒有哪一種人生才會是最幸福。 當我們看到別人在國外歷練或學成歸國後, 取得較好發展時,往往忘了他們在異鄉拼搏時流的血淚…..這點我是最有共鳴的, 畢竟在我最灰心沮喪, 當系上曾經不認可我潛力時, 還一直陪著我身邊的, 沒有別人, 就是那個笨”的老媽…………
我不知道今後自己在研究教學工作上究竟能發揮多少能耐, 不過如果掌握了那個機會,我肯定是不會輕易認輸的,拼到底。真有那成功的一天, 要感謝的人一定很多, 但要感謝的女人最重要就是老媽, 我想這個世界上除了未來的家的女主人外, 老媽絕對是我永遠感激在心的女人…
在2009當下, 我思考著媽”到目前為止, 給了我兩樣最重要的東西:
(1) 善良: 我想從媽”平常待人處事, 我學到了赤子之心, 對於我們所愛的人,不該存有任何算計, 一定是以誠相待! 出國後, 因為這樣, 我遭到許多人嘲笑, 利用…
不管如何,他們都算給了我很多指教, 不過我還是相信如果我善良待人, 而對方也是善良待你時,那他肯定是你這一輩子最能信任的朋友或家人……….
(2) 家庭觀念: 老媽給我的另一個寶貝-家庭觀念, 即使環境再艱困, 我總是看到她把最好的留給我們, 沒有她的呵護, 是不可能有現在還在追夢的我啊! 每當跟外國同學聊自己的家庭生活時, 他們總說我很幸運生活在這樣家庭! 我想對於下一代, 自己應該也是會付出媽”曾對我付出的愛, 因為媽”的呵護, 讓我知道那個愛與無盡付出的地方沒有別,就是家………
現在的我,終於了解了一直以來媽媽對我的苦心了,也許過去的她無法幫我做多正確的決定, 但她的叮嚀一直是出於對我的關心…..回國後,自己終究是會獨立起來, 也許很多地方無法再事事媽寶, 因為有的事, 媽”慢慢也出不了什麼主意了,但媽”的心意,我一定會永遠放在心上….我也該慢”發揮長子的角色, 一直以來我最喜歡的日本戰國人物就屬足智多謀的毛利元就, 他的家族一開始也是小小的…….希望不久將來,我可以用智慧讓我們家族每個人更幸福, 讓更多我們身邊的人都會喜歡老媽你! 卡片在上星期已經寄了, 但真正想對妳說的話都在這裡, 跟最後一句 老媽, 你辛苦了,我永遠愛妳!
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全天下父母對子女的愛都是無私的, 在金融風暴下, 父母還是子女最好的靠山!
April 1, 2009
The bank of mum and dad
It is the only place that many first-time buyers can get financial help. Ginetta Vedrickas reports
With banks loath to lend to anyone, especially first-time buyers, who can you turn to when you want to get on to the property ladder? For many, the only route is what's come to be termed "the bank of mum and dad", as parents step in with cash help for their kids.
Today's lenders typically demand deposits of 20 to 40 per cent, taking homes out of reach for most first-time buyers. Prices may have dropped, yet many first-timers still find it impossible to raise enough to buy. In the capital, few properties are on offer for less than £150,000 and a typical central London apartment costs around £250,000, which requires a whopping £50,000 deposit.
Sarah Garrett of First Time Buyer magazine says that lenders are "strangling the market" but today's parents are opting to invest via their children rather than leave money in banks. Agents agree that parents now provide deposits for the bulk of first time buys. Winkworth's Jeff Cohen says that last year it was common to see parents on a third viewing of a property but today they are involved from the start: "Parents are now coming to first and second viewings and even accompanying their children when they register. It would seem the bank of mum and dad is once again open for business!"
It may be parental generosity but, with base rates at 0.5 per cent, many parents view helping their offspring as a shrewd investment. Simon Corringham of Faron Sutaria says that, if current base rates continue, the market will be overrun with cash buyers who no longer trust banks to safeguard their cash: "They're fed up with their money earning paltry interest in the face of inflation at three-something per cent and feel their money would be better spent on a buy-to-let investment or a home for their children. There's a trend for parents buying a flat with several bedrooms, allocating one to their son or daughter and renting the rest to their child's friends."
Parents also hope to spare their offspring the unsavoury experience of grotty rented accommodation. Lauren Hooper, 19, studies history at Southampton and lives in a new one- bedroom apartment thanks to her mum Lorena's generosity. Lauren found her home by googling "new-build in Southampton". "When we visited the show apartment, Lauren quickly fell in love with it and, I have to say, nothing else we looked at then measured up," says Lorena who admits to being initially nervous as this was her first investment buy.
When Lauren leaves college, Lorena intends to let the property which was initially for sale at £114,950 but which cost £86,212 under developer Crest Nicholson's EasyBuy scheme, which gives buyers a loan for 25 per cent of equity with no interest to pay for five years. Lauren is grateful for the luxury of a location which allows her to walk to college: "It's ideal. It's a quiet place to study but it is close enough to the city centre to ensure I can go into town."
Lorena's decision to invest in student accommodation may prove sound. In 2008, university applications rose by 8 per cent and, if the recession and a weak sterling continue, figures look set to rise this year. Investment firm Assetz says that investors can expect rental yields of 5 to 6 per cent net. "Investment in university accommodation is already paying massive dividends. It is an area in which I have invested personally over the years and it is the best performing part of my portfolio. Student property funds have topped the leader board of property fund performance over the past couple of years, and the latest surge in applications will continue to drive demand," adds chief executive Stuart Law.
But parents aren't just helping out at the student end of the market. London agency Aylesford International are also seeing growing numbers of parent buys, with no limit on budget says MD Louise Hewlett: "We are currently looking for property for children in the price range of £500,000 up to £2.3m. It is the perfect time for parents to buy taking into account the drop in property values. Their cash will get zero interest in the banks so it's a better financial decision to buy a property which can be rented out until children need a home. They then get higher interest on their capital and it's safer than the stock market."
It may be safer than depositing your readies in an Icelandic, or any other, bank but there are concerns that parents are funding their children's futures by risking their own. A survey by Scottish Widows found that over half of the 20.7 million Britons with children over 16 have given or loaned their offspring an average of £11,776, with nearly half planning to give another £12,564.
The amount given to children by their parents increased from £67bn this time last year to £72.5bn with most using savings but some parents increasing their own debts. Scottish Widows' head of savings and investments Gordon Greig says that the trend could leave some parents vulnerable in their retirement and that young homebuyers may also suffer: "It's questionable whether the current young generation of adults will ever learn the necessary savings habit if their parents continue to bail them out in this way.
As parents tighten their purse strings more than expected in the near future, the bank of mum and dad may not be as giving as it once was; it is more important than ever for people to save consistently."
